The wondrous art form of graffiti can be found in public restrooms to school desks the world over. Whether it be lewd poems or a more creative look at the human anatomy, graffiti is exposed to us on an almost daily basis. It turns out that this particular art form has been around since ancient times. The first ‘Yo Moma’ joke was discovered on an ancient 3,500 year old Babylonian tablet.
Of all ancient civilizations, it seems Romans practiced the art of graffiti religiously. That is to say, they did it A LOT. The Roman empire stretched from England to Egypt, and their graffiti followed with them.
The Roman town of Pompeii has been exceptionally preserved thanks to the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD which preserved the town for thousands of years under ash. Pompeii is still being studied today in great detail. Streets, shops, bath houses, murals, restaurants and graffiti. So far, over 11,000 examples of graffiti have been discovered in Pompeii. Lets take a look at just a few examples of the sophistication and etiquette of the typical resident of Pompeii.
- “I screwed a lot of girls here.” (I bet you did)
- “Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women” (That’s a title to be proud of I guess)
- “Sanius to Cornelius: Go hang yourself!”
- “I screwed the barmaid”
- “Restitutus says: Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.”
- “Phileros is a eunuch.” (I guess Phileros wasn’t the one who screwed the barmaid)
- “Apollinaris, doctor to the emperor Titus, had a good crap here.” (Glad to hear it)
- “Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!”
- “Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog”
- “Secundus defecated here” (Found, of course, in the toilet area)
- “Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place”
- “The one who buggers a fire burns his penis” (Well, we wouldn’t want that)
- “Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!” (That’s just cruel)
- “Lucilla made money from her body.” (How much?)
- “I’m yours for two bronze coins.” (Oh. That much)
- “Every lover fights.” (Ain’t that the truth)
- “We have wet the bed. I admit, we were wrong, my host. If you ask ‘why?’ There was no chamber pot.” (Could have gone outside. Just sayin’)
- “Restitutus has deceived many girls” (This Restitutus dude gets around)
- “Atimetus got me pregnant” (Congratulations?)
- “Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time” (Talk about multitasking)
- “To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy”
- “Celadus makes the girls moan.” (Probably in disgust)
- “At Nuceria, look for Novellia Primigenia near the Roman gate in the prostitute’s district.”
- “O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.” (HAHAHA)
These next ones are kinda sweet.
- If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend.
- Vibius Restitutus slept here alone and missed his darling Urbana
- I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world
- Love dictates to me as I write and Cupid shows me the way, but may I die if god should wish me to go on without you
Honorable Mention
When Rome swept into Egypt in 30 BC, they hung out for a while. That is if you consider 600 years a while. There is currently a team of Polish scientists who are attempting to transcribe the graffiti left behind. Admittedly, most of the graffiti left by the Romans consists of the equivalent of (Insert name was here) Regardless, the Romans left their mark as Romans did. One of the more critical inscriptions read, “I visited and I did not like anything except the sarcophagus!” and “I cannot read the hieroglyphs!” (In the tomb of pharaoh Ramesses VI).
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